Thread: Chukle time

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This managed to cheer me up after yesterdays result.

The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Churchill...






After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner.


Some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.


“There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship” said Churchill.


“First their cuisine is unsurpassed."


"Second their service is superb."


"And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first”.

further to this Costa Cruises has made the following announcement

"To prevent any possible re-occurence of the Costa Concordia disaster, in future all Costa cruisel iners will set sail with a captain who is guaranteed not to hit anythiing...





... The Costa Plenty leaves Civattavechio on Friday under its new captain, Fernando Torres"

Originally Posted by P UNIT 1980

Spurs fans hope the distance between them and the gooners keeps increasing and eventually they end up back south of the river where they belong

Wouldn't it be great to be a cabbie, so that when someone asks to go the Emirates for an evening game you can say, 'No. I'm not going south of the river at this time of night!'

Paddy and Murphy swap sandwichesat work...Paddy spits it out and says what the **** was on that? Murphy says crab paste.Paddy says were he hell did you get that from? Murphy says it was on special offer in the chemist

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
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> The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
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> "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
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> "Yes," the Labrador replies.
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> After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."
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> The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
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> "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
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> "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
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> But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
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> The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
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> "Ten quid," the owner says.
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> "£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
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> "Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden."

An 80yr old man walks into Jewellers with a gorgeous 25yr old fit blonde & asks 4 a special ring 4 the lady, jeweller says "Here's one £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls 1 out £65,000, he says "That's the 1, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it." On Monday jeweller phones old man & says "There's no money in the account." Old man says "I know, but can U imagine the fu**in weekend I've had!!

Bloke walks in to a bar & asks if they wanna hear an Irish joke?
Bloke next to him (built like a brick shit house), taps him on the shoulder & says "before u say anything, I'm Irish...the Landlord, who's served time for murder is Irish...the bloke at the end of the bar is a bare knuckle boxing champ for the Irish travellers & the doorman is ex IRA. So do u really want to be telling an Irish Joke now?"
The man replies "Hell no! Not if I have to explain it 4 fooking times.