Let's ask maths.
Four scored today proving, using SCIENCE FACKED, that Crouch is three times better than JD.
Now, it's also a SCIENCE FACKED that Pav is basically Crouch only shorter by a ratio of 1.07 and equal in every single other way (Pav's capacity to f**k the English language is offset by Pete's capacity to f**k Algerian prostitutes).
Therefore, Pav is 2.8 times the player Jermain is.
Pav has scored 15 in 35 appearances for his international team, while Robbie Keane has 43 from 100, leaving both on a gpg ratio of 0.43!
This means that, shockingly, even RK=2.8JD
But wait! There's more troubling news for you sick, deluded, possibly closet racist JD fans...
Even little Gio compares highly:
Both players have played at four clubs, so let's use MATHEMATIC RIGOUR to calculate the average crowd these two pulled (by using the admittedly unrock-solid capacities: you could argue I'm being biased towards JD by assuming Bournemouth and Pompey sold out regularly!).
This results in GdS=1.82JD That's nearly twice as good!
So, I think this clears up any misunderstanding, any loose conjecture and all the attendant name-calling and accusations of ignorance.
Please bear in mind, this isn't just some ill-thought out crusade based on little more than my own petty prejudices; if you don't like the FACKS staring you in your bloodshot eye, don't blame me, BLAME SCIENCE. BLAME DEFOE. Just don't blame me, OK???